Konoha Academy
by Herbblade
Summary: At a boarding school for the troubled, run by the underpaid, under-motivated, you really can’t help but pity the one sane person trapped inside. Shizune’s quest to find her bosses, catch some wayward kids, and maintain the image that all is well. Oneshot.


**Konoha Academy**

At a boarding school for the troubled, run by the underpaid, under-motivated, you really can't help but pity the one sane person trapped inside. Shizune's quest to find her bosses, catch some wayward kids, and maintain the image that all is well. Oneshot.

--

It was a normal evening at Konoha Academy. Principal Tsunade had disappeared to God-knows-where, and Shizune, the much-loved but over-worked librarian/secretary, was running around desperately trying to find her. But none of the students, tucking in to their customary Tuesday dinner of tacos, wondered why it was her looking for their wayward chief.

It wasn't like Vice Principal Jiriya would be too worried about his old friend's disappearance, even if she was in charge of an entire boarding school full of children. In fact, and there was a running bet on this among the staff, he was probably with her, taking all the booze and none of the responsibility.

Their poor, brunette babysitter sighed despairingly, running a hand through her short hair as she slowed to a stop in a mostly deserted hallway. She could see them now: holed away somewhere they were sure she couldn't find them, passing a brown bottle between them as they stared off into space, reminiscing about their own days at the government-forsaken reform school. They'd both turned out as good members of society and, like most of the other teachers, taken jobs at their former prison because nowhere else wanted to hire ex-cons. But they hadn't always been a duo: once there had been a third body in that hidey-hole, and Konoha Academy hadn't turned him around fast enough.

Shizune had seen the files on her co-workers when she'd started a couple years ago. She was the only one among them not convicted of a felony of some sort at any point in her life, which meant she was the only one actually there to help the misguided children. That had been the point when she realized she was in for a _long_ ride.

Giving up her search for the moment, Shizune resigned herself to running the show for until the next day. She was heading to the office when the speakers started crackling. She thought it might be a tech problem, until it became clear that it wasn't _crackling_, but _cackling_.

"Students of Konoha Academy!" The voice declared over the intercom system. "Can't find the drive to do well, but dread being stuck in this prison forever? Well fear no longer! Because I, Uzumaki Naruto, have got the cure for what ails yeh! Come see me tomorrow morning, bright and early—we've got everything down here at Uzumaki's, from yer escape plans to yer mental stimulants! Whatever path you choose, we've got the answer down her—HEY!"

Naruto's voice cut off and Shizune heard sounds of a fight over the microphone as she stood there listening, shocked and motionless. Oh _crap_. How had Naruto gotten in the Tsunade's office?

Oh, right: he could pick locks and _no one was there._

Just as she was contemplating if this was going to (_finally_) end her career, another voice came over the speaker system.

"Well, rest assured that this has been another practical joke from our own Uzumaki Naruto…" Hatake Kakashi sounded bored, as if he hadn't just spent two minutes wrestling a hyper delinquent for a microphone. "And I'd like to take this opportunity to encourage you all to join our very own radio club, who are preparing for a school-run radio station… The only rules to DJs are to keep it clean and not let anyone else in the booth. And Rock Lee has promised to make us his… cookies…"

Shizune smacked her palm to her face. And there went her hope for a little sanity. She could hear the laughter from the nearest room, as Inuzuka Kiba (who had been dropped off one day by his mother with no excuse) brayed loud enough for two people. Although the brunette could have sworn she heard Aburame Shino's (who had smuggled dangerous insects into the country from South America) quiet chuckle.

"Oh no, oh no…" Shizune rubbed her temples and resorted (not for the first time) to talking to herself. "Stay calm, Shizune. You'll get through this—the kids are having a laugh, Kakashi has blown his chances with any female in the building… And maybe Tsunade and Jiriya heard that. Maybe they're on their way to the office right now to sort things out. Maybe…"

Just as the young woman felt an edge of hysteria creep into her mind, a voice appeared behind her. "Hey, library-lady; you seen pinky?"

Shizune whirled around to see Haruno Sakura. A bright, caring girl when in her right mind, but unfortunately that wasn't all of the time. She suffered from multi-personality disorder, and both of her personalities were convinced the body was theirs alone, and the other personality was roaming around somewhere. Currently, the ruder one was in control, made obvious by the way her hands were shoved into the pockets of her dark purple hoodie and she'd put the hood up. She was completely harmless, but couldn't fit in in a normal school, so she'd been sent to the Academy.

"No, I haven't." All of the teachers refrained from using Sakura's name around her after her first couple shouting matches about how that wasn't her name. Shizune lit upon a way to snap the girl back to normal quickly, "Perhaps she's with Sasuke?"

For all of his dangerous obsessing and anti-social behavior, Uchiha Sasuke had an interesting effect on the other students. Sakura, for example, was always Sakura in his presence. No one knew why, but the students and staff often used it to their advantage, as Shizune was doing now.

Sakura seemed satisfied and stalked off, probably to find Sasuke. Shizune sighed and turned back around, heading for the office. She arrived there just in time to see Kakashi hauling Naruto out of the office. The blond child was trying very hard to get out of the teacher's grasp, but Kakashi (underneath his ridiculous mask) seemed almost bored. They both stopped immediately as the not-quite-furious woman walked up to them.

"What were you doing?"

Kakashi remained silent as Naruto searched for an answer. "Umm… well… I wanted to see the Principal, and she… Well, she's not here right now… but I bet you knew that already… Anyway, it was just sitting there!"

Shizune raised her eyebrows. Kakashi shook Naruto, who was still in his grasp, and turned to the secretary. "Well, I'll go make sure that the kitchen staff know to give Naruto half-portions for a while…" He nodded in her direction and pulled Naruto away.

After staring after them for a moment, Shizune checked her watch and sighed before opening the (still unlocked) door to the office. She bypassed her own desk and went into Tsunade's office, where she picked the microphone off the desk and leaned against the wall, composing herself.

After grabbing the announcements list, she switched the microphone on and read them off. Afterwards, she said the prepared 'encouraging' paragraph about how the kids were one day closer to returning as functional members of society. The evening announcements were a cue to everyone in the building to go to their rooms, and the teachers had surprisingly little trouble getting them to go there.

Shizune switched the microphone off and went to make sure that Tsunade and Jiriya had both completed their paperwork over the students' academic progress and volunteer work. She was just locking the office up when her bosses themselves rounded the corner of the hallway.

"Oh, good, you've finished your work for the night. Good job on the announcements, but tomorrow we need to keep Naruto out of my office, OK?"

--

Totally random oneshot for Shizune, who is so horribly overworked that it's funny. Mostly an excuse for me to make everyone a mental patient/delinquent. Dedicated to you wonderful people who review my work, even when it's not great.

Also: HINATA IS ALIVE, TAKE THAT, NON-BELIEVERS! And not only is she alive, but people are helping her now! Yays! And Neji was all 'AH!' which is always fun. It's so cute how they're nice to each other now… Anyway, loved the newest chappie, if you couldn't tell. XD.

REVIEW PLEASE! Then you can be all 'this oneshot is dedicated to ME!' Won't that be fun??


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